A Physical Ache

Sometimes I feel such a strong, overwhelming ache to hug both of you. My arms feel empty. They kind of tingle, for lack of a better word to describe the sensation. It's as if they know they are being deprived of something, and are protesting. I feel like I want to open them in an open arms position as if to hug the both of you. But you both aren't there to enter my embrace. My chest feels cold, waiting for the warmth I used to get from your bodies. I feel bereft. This ache seems to pierce into my body, like a virus entering me and spreading throughout my body. This ache will be with me forever.

A Wooden Raft In An Endless Ocean

I feel like I am on a wooden raft with BAM and MAM. Just the three of us, we are all three survivors of an unbearable catastrophe. We are the surviving wreckage. We float, the three of us together, on this makeshift raft. We huddle together, traumatized, shocked.

The raft we are on is made of rotting wood. It is a makeshift raft. Tied together with thick, frayed, worn out rope. At times, pieces of wood start drifting off, and I scramble to retrieve them. So that the three of us stay together, and don't drift away from each other, or lose each other.

The ocean surrounds us. The large, empty, endless ocean surrounds us as we sit hunched together on this small raft. It almost seems as if the waves are purposefully trying to thwart us; rocking our raft over bigger and bigger waves. All we can hear are the ocean waves, lapping at the edge of our helpless raft. Otherwise, it is silent.

Please don't drift away from me too, my BAM and MAM. Otherwise, I will have no purpose left for trying to navigate the raft, to hold it together, to not give up. For if you are both gone too, then I will slip into the ocean, allowing myself to sink to the bottom of the ocean.

I Finally Made the Effort To Blog!

I have been writing. Writing on scraps of paper, my thoughts, my emotions. Thoughts and emotions that I write for Cut Onions. Yet, when the time comes for me to transcribe them onto Cut Onions, I have been unable to. It seems like such a paramount task, it takes so much effort for me to even think of doing something. Just getting through the day is so taxing and wearing. Even going on Facebook, reading a book, seems like something that requires so much effort. The thing is, I want to do these things, but just can't get the energy to do them.

I now have the ability to sit on the sofa. I can just imagine your reaction: yes, Abroo, we ALL can do that! No, what I mean is to just sit, and do absolutely nothing. I sit on the same sofa that I used to sit on and snuggle with AMM. I wrap myself in the same blanket AMM and I used to wrap ourselves in together while watching TV. I now keep my cellphone, laptop, and novel besides me. But again, it's too much effort to pick them up. Maybe this blog willl be posted, maybe it will get lost like the countless others I have scribbled on scraps of paper.