I feel like I am on a wooden raft with BAM and MAM. Just the three of us, we are all three survivors of an unbearable catastrophe. We are the surviving wreckage. We float, the three of us together, on this makeshift raft. We huddle together, traumatized, shocked.
The raft we are on is made of rotting wood. It is a makeshift raft. Tied together with thick, frayed, worn out rope. At times, pieces of wood start drifting off, and I scramble to retrieve them. So that the three of us stay together, and don't drift away from each other, or lose each other.
The ocean surrounds us. The large, empty, endless ocean surrounds us as we sit hunched together on this small raft. It almost seems as if the waves are purposefully trying to thwart us; rocking our raft over bigger and bigger waves. All we can hear are the ocean waves, lapping at the edge of our helpless raft. Otherwise, it is silent.
Please don't drift away from me too, my BAM and MAM. Otherwise, I will have no purpose left for trying to navigate the raft, to hold it together, to not give up. For if you are both gone too, then I will slip into the ocean, allowing myself to sink to the bottom of the ocean.
I really love this raft metaphor, because it holds within it the idea of landing safely ashore somewhere. You might not be able to see land yet, but the hope of it is out there -- not a sure thing, not a clear thing, not a safe journey. My wish for you is that the possibility of that shoreline, and the eventual discovery of it, manages to keep you all afloat. xoxo
ReplyDeletetrue. this thought actually came to me when MAM was having a tough day and I felt so helpless. It was then that I felt like I was on thia raft and that I was trying to hold it all together so we all don't flounder.
ReplyDeleteI think you are the one holding it together. And they both need you SOOOO completely. Think about their rafts -- I'd bet that if they could articulate it, it would be the same image -- you, grabbing at the wooden planks that are giving way, while they cling to each other and ultimately to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're not near the shore yet. But I'd love it if you could think of the next layer of people -- me, the your folks, the other COUSINS (sorry, I just heard the music ;-), as some of the ropes that are holding and not giving way. I am SO stretching this metaphor to the breaking point (no pun intended ;-), but while no one but the 3 of you are on that raft, some of us are desperate to keep the wind at bay and the core of the raft intact for you all as you navigate the treacherous waters.
But you know that.
xoxo
:)
ReplyDeletenigga is that roblox
ReplyDelete