I have decided, every day, I am going to make myself do something for someone other than myself. I have been focused on myself, being selfish (and not ashamed of it); doing what I can do, and avoiding what can possibly crack the fragile, soapsud bubble around me. This is my protective barrier, a thin sheen of watery, soapy liquid, blown to surround me with a breath of desperate hope, a bubble wand made of miserable joy. The bubble fluctuates in color, a myriad of shades, colors. Sometimes the bubble seems as if it's going to dissipate, pop...leaving me vulnerable and open to the world.
So, everyday, one thing for someone other than myself. Yesterday I facebooked someone I haven't been in touch with for a long time, asking how she is, how is everything going. Doesn't sound like much, but for me it's a start.
Today I am going to the mosque for my hubby. Our family is sponsoring the lecture today, and I will be there so that he isn't alone. I already feel so anxious, but I took a xanax. Am counting on 2 of my relatives (NS and her daughter AA), as well as my daughter...we will be there for each other. As I type, I feel palpitations, heartburn is kicking in, but today this is for BAM. One day at at time.
Don't pop on me, my fragile bubble. Please.
