So yesterday I had a meltdown. Major, hysterical, soul-draining meltdown. Afterwards, I said to BAM something that I had been thinking about for a while. I may sound a bit batty when you hear what I said, but just read the next few points before I tell you my conversation with BAM.
Point one: God can perform miracles. Only He is the one who can do ANYTHING...He created this world, the millions of cells in our bodies. He created this whole universe. What seems impossible to us, is something He could do without a second thought.
Point two: God (in our belief at least) tells us to ask, and He will listen. He will answer our prayers.
So I told BAM I want to ask God to bring back my boys. I want to ask for two miracles. BAM, being the supportive guy that he is, said that God can do anything and that I should ask what I want to ask for. And so I decided I am going to ask God for this miracle. I won't ask for explanations...how did He bring them back to life? I would accept my boys back, no questions asked.
And so I got ready for praying. I did the necessary ablutions, opened up the prayer rug, and did our ritual prayer. At the end, I sat on the prayer rug, ready to ask God for the return of my boys.
I couldn't do it. For, I realized suddenly, how selfish I was being. They are at peace there, they are happy, so why should I beg for their return when God has them? I can never take care of them the way He does. However much it kills me to realize this fact, it is a true fact.
And so, instead of asking God to return my sons to me, I asked Him to please tell them both that their mother loves them.
Every day I will ask God to pass this message on to them, till I am with them and can tell them myself.
