PTSD

Is this PTSD....images are flashing into my mind. Of the steps I took to enter the place where they moved their bodies to for preparation. The garish lights of Lahore, mocking me as I climbed those concrete steps, to enter the building where my two boys were in some freezer somewhere.

Is this PTSD...I see QMM's eyes...fully dilated, not responding to light or stimuli. Not responding to my screams, my compressions, my breath.

I can't block these thoughts...I don't want to block them...I want to block them.

A Blue Christmas

I'll have a blue Christmas without you

I'll be so blue just thinking about you.

Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree

Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me.

And when those blue snowflakes start falling

That's when those blue memories start calling

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,

But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.

Thanks Elvis.



Christmas Without You

Dear  AMM,

I look at Christmas decorations, and I think of you. I hear Christmas music, and I think of you. I hear people talking about Christmas, and I think of you.

Are you enjoying yourself up there? I can just imagine you...decorating the biggest Christmas tree ever, with the most exquisite decorations ever. It must dwarf everything around it. And you are happy, creating your Christmas tree.

I wish I could decorate it with you. I wish I could see your creation.

Love always,

Mom