not a nice posting.

i don't want 2010 to end. i don't want to enter a year that you were not a part of. i don't want to leave this year....i feel like i will be partaking of something that you will not....do you boys understand???

amm, i don't want to stop using the calendar you had made for 2010. i don't have a calendar made by you for 2011. qmm, nobody to pester to wear something warm as he would go out in a t-shirt and shorts (in the dead of winter) to jog.

and so this year, this horrible year for us, is ending. i hate 2010. this is the year that bore witness to our loss. but i don't want to leave it either. i hate march, i hate 2010, i hate pakistan, i hate the people there that saw my loss as something to gossip about. yes, i finally said it out loud, i hate pakistan. and it feels good to acknowledge that feeling. even though i love some people from there; after all, my husband and his sisters are from that place. if you read this, and are offended, i am sorry for offending you. you just may not want to read the rest.

why would i leave my sons there...in the soil of that hateful place. i should stop now. but i just want to write it one more time.

thanks a lot pakistan.  i hate you pakistan. your stupidity, lack of knowledge killed my sons. thanks a lot. i hate you, i hate you, i hate you. rot in hell.