So, I have heard from some sincere well wishers. They give their condolences, and then say, I know exactly how you feel. They have also lost a loved one, so feel a bond with me, I guess. I acknowledge that bond, but do they know EXACTLY how I feel? One lady told a cousin of BAM's that she just HAD to have my phone number because she could help me. She had lost her child too, and she knew exactly what I was going through and was going to help me. Oh really?
I acknowledge that people who have lost a child can empathize with each other, can kind of understand the feeling of loss, devastation, and despair. But each person is unique; therefore, they perceive loss differently, they react differently, and they have different ways of coping. And bottom line, nobody knows exactly what I am going through, just as I do not know exactly what another parent who lost a child is going through. I can empathize with them, but I do not know what they are exactly going through.
To that lady who wanted to talk to me, I would ask her: do you REALLY know EXACTLY what I went through? Did she lose both her healthy sons suddenly? Did she lose them in a foreign country where she didn't know many people, didn't understand the culture? Did she have to walk into a room to find both her sons, who a few hours ago were alive and breathing, just lying there, unresponsive, not breathing, dead? Did she have to run from one child to the other, screaming their names, hoping against hope that they would open their eyes and smile? Did she have to choose who she was going to do CPR on? Did she have to do CPR on them...does she still smell the mouth of her son,like I do? Did she have to look up from doing CPR, to see her daughter staring at the scene with a look of horror, disbelief, and shock written all over her face????
I don't think so. We are all unique, we all have unique experiences, and we all react differently. Hopefully, if I ever am in a position where I meet someone who has lost a child or loved one, I will not assume that I know exactly what they are going through.
With best wishes to all and their loved ones,
AM
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Why the Hell Did She Call Her Blog "Cut Onion"???
Cut Onions??? What's up with that? Has AM been watching too many cooking shows???
No, there is actually a story behind this title (really, honestly). Some of you may already know the story...of how QMM was responsible for cutting onions in our house when we had a big function to cook for. He was always recruited to peel and cut the onions. He would complain, question why his sister and brother were spared from this horrendous task, and lament about the agony his eyes were in. Yet, he always got the job done. That's the background story. Fast forward to a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn, with our Brooklyn cousins. And without the boys. KF, the writer of the family, and whose home we were visiting, suggested I start a blog. A blog where I could express myself. One of our other cousins on the west coast, NA, had also suggested it to me not too long ago. I decided, why not? if nothing else, I know KF will come on my blog!
But what to name this blog? We didn't want to put my name, or my boys' names on the title; otherwise, a search engine would yield my blog to perhaps curious eyes. KF, FA, and myself went through several names, but none of those titles were available. The whole time we were racking our brains, MFA and BM were lying on the floor, quietly talking. All of a sudden, we heard MFA say "cut onions". No, I did not hear angels singing hallelujah, lightning did not strike me, and I did not stand up and yell "by Jove I've got it! That's the title for my blog!!!!". In fact, I totally ignored it. It was KF who said "that's a great title for the blog". And I thought, she's right (again!). It represents a memory of QMM (no dis to AMM), and it also represents our present situation. Doesn't it?
If you think about it, this grief process is like an onion. As you cut the onion, or work your way through grief, the tears just keep on coming, even if you try to stop them. But it's part of the deal...tears with cut onions...tears with grief. And it's a natural process; to try to halt it would be unnatural.
I hope this blog may someday help others who are also grieving. On that note, I go out now to buy a laptop so that I can share with all of you a piece of me, and my boys.
Till later.
No, there is actually a story behind this title (really, honestly). Some of you may already know the story...of how QMM was responsible for cutting onions in our house when we had a big function to cook for. He was always recruited to peel and cut the onions. He would complain, question why his sister and brother were spared from this horrendous task, and lament about the agony his eyes were in. Yet, he always got the job done. That's the background story. Fast forward to a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn, with our Brooklyn cousins. And without the boys. KF, the writer of the family, and whose home we were visiting, suggested I start a blog. A blog where I could express myself. One of our other cousins on the west coast, NA, had also suggested it to me not too long ago. I decided, why not? if nothing else, I know KF will come on my blog!
But what to name this blog? We didn't want to put my name, or my boys' names on the title; otherwise, a search engine would yield my blog to perhaps curious eyes. KF, FA, and myself went through several names, but none of those titles were available. The whole time we were racking our brains, MFA and BM were lying on the floor, quietly talking. All of a sudden, we heard MFA say "cut onions". No, I did not hear angels singing hallelujah, lightning did not strike me, and I did not stand up and yell "by Jove I've got it! That's the title for my blog!!!!". In fact, I totally ignored it. It was KF who said "that's a great title for the blog". And I thought, she's right (again!). It represents a memory of QMM (no dis to AMM), and it also represents our present situation. Doesn't it?
If you think about it, this grief process is like an onion. As you cut the onion, or work your way through grief, the tears just keep on coming, even if you try to stop them. But it's part of the deal...tears with cut onions...tears with grief. And it's a natural process; to try to halt it would be unnatural.
I hope this blog may someday help others who are also grieving. On that note, I go out now to buy a laptop so that I can share with all of you a piece of me, and my boys.
Till later.
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