"I know exactly how you feel"...Oh really, do you???

So, I have heard from some sincere well wishers. They give their condolences, and then say, I know exactly how you feel. They have also lost a loved one, so feel a bond with me, I guess. I acknowledge that bond, but do they know EXACTLY how I feel? One lady told a cousin of BAM's that she just HAD to have my phone number because she could help me. She had lost her child too, and she knew exactly what I was going through and was going to help me. Oh really?

I acknowledge that people who have lost a child can empathize with each other, can kind of understand the feeling of loss, devastation, and despair. But each person is unique; therefore, they perceive loss differently, they react differently, and they have different ways of coping. And bottom line, nobody knows exactly what I am going through, just as I do not know exactly what another parent who lost a child is going through. I can empathize with them, but I do not know what they are exactly going through.

To that lady who wanted to talk to me, I would ask her: do you REALLY know EXACTLY what I went through? Did she lose both her healthy sons suddenly? Did she lose them in a foreign country where she didn't know many people, didn't understand the culture? Did she have to walk into a room to find both her sons, who a few hours ago were alive and breathing, just lying there, unresponsive, not breathing, dead? Did she have to run from one child to the other, screaming their names, hoping against hope that they would open their eyes and smile? Did she have to choose who she was going to do CPR on? Did she have to do CPR on them...does she still smell the mouth of her son,like I do? Did she have to look up from doing CPR, to see her daughter staring at the scene with a look of horror, disbelief, and shock written all over her face????

I don't think so. We are all unique, we all have unique experiences, and we all react differently. Hopefully, if I ever am in a position where I meet someone who has lost a child or loved one, I will not assume that I know exactly what they are going through.

With best wishes to all and their loved ones,
AM