I have decided, every day, I am going to make myself do something for someone other than myself. I have been focused on myself, being selfish (and not ashamed of it); doing what I can do, and avoiding what can possibly crack the fragile, soapsud bubble around me. This is my protective barrier, a thin sheen of watery, soapy liquid, blown to surround me with a breath of desperate hope, a bubble wand made of miserable joy. The bubble fluctuates in color, a myriad of shades, colors. Sometimes the bubble seems as if it's going to dissipate, pop...leaving me vulnerable and open to the world.
So, everyday, one thing for someone other than myself. Yesterday I facebooked someone I haven't been in touch with for a long time, asking how she is, how is everything going. Doesn't sound like much, but for me it's a start.
Today I am going to the mosque for my hubby. Our family is sponsoring the lecture today, and I will be there so that he isn't alone. I already feel so anxious, but I took a xanax. Am counting on 2 of my relatives (NS and her daughter AA), as well as my daughter...we will be there for each other. As I type, I feel palpitations, heartburn is kicking in, but today this is for BAM. One day at at time.
Don't pop on me, my fragile bubble. Please.
How did it go? I'm really proud of your effort no matter how it turned out.
ReplyDeleteI did it K! I was polite to people (I think), sat through the speech. Then went upstairs to the library, was alone there for a while with a book, then came down. I sat with the book reading in the ladies hall while people ate and talked. But I was soooooo exhausted that I fell asleep in M's lap! I plan to go tomorrow again (with my book and crochet). I will read the book when the people socialize. Today, I crocheted during the speech. I feel like I overcame a ginormous hurdle today!!!!!!
ReplyDeletethat's huge and you should be soooo proud! I'm sure BAM was so pleased to have you making the effort. Pace yourself though. You don't have to go to all of them, just a few is already a big step and you can build on that from there. These 10 days will be emotional enough. I'm in LI this weekend if you want to talk or text! love you tons. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI just saw this post, and it was a big step for you Abroo Bhabi! I doubt I helped, but I'm always here for you! With love always.
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